What if they want to go to school?

Got into a discussion with Tim tonight, and he said he thinks we should let the boys attend school, IF we move to a nice neighborhood, and IF they ask to go. I disagree, wholeheartedly.

Sure, I'd like to leave it up to them, and trust that they will make the right choice in the end. But I just can't see myself ever sending them off to school. Here's what I was trying to explain to Tim.

It's easy to follow the expected path in life. Most people find it very difficult to break out of the "norm". So difficult in fact, that they get offended when they see other people do it. But that's what I want for my boys. I want them to break away from the main path, and do the unexpected. Carve their own road, and live the lives that make them happy. By not attending school, so many other paths open up before them. They will have so much more time to follow their passions. Volunteer if they want. Go straight into the working world, or maybe even start their own businesses.

Tim is mostly concerned with the social aspects that will be lost, by not attending high school. I can agree that I spent way more time socializing in school than I ever did learning. But it's not as though they will be locked in the basement. They will have other social opportunities that will leave them with lasting memories.

Ok, so I know some might argue that by going to school they would be breaking away from the path I expect them to follow, and you'd be right. We could go round and round for hours, but in the end I just don't see how sitting in school, eight hours a day, can bring about anything except the most narrow view of the world. Unless my boys can come up with a compelling argument, I don't see myself ever consenting for them to enroll in school.

Personality

I heard an interesting article on the radio the other morning, while driving to work. It claimed that your personality by age six, will be your same basic personality for the remainder of your life. My first thought was, "No, please don't let that be true!".

Nico is six years old, and has some pretty frustrating personality traits. He is stubborn as a mule (some people may say he gets that from me). He never accepts no as an answer. He can't seem to ever keep himself from talking (definitely gets that from his daddy). He gets angry quickly, and then has trouble calming himself down. Lastly, he tends to carry around this smug sense of superiority. Like he is always right, and can do no wrong.

He does have some very positive personality traits as well. I do love his confidence in himself, I just wish he would internalize it a bit more, and realize he is not better than all those around him. If you ask Nico, he will tell you that he is mean and vicious, although I have never, in six years, seen him be vicious towards anyone, or anything. He is occasionally mean to his little brother, but that hardly qualifies. In fact, Nico is full of love and compassion. He is also creative, funny, inquisitive, and positively brilliant. You can almost see his mind glowing behind his eyes.

Like I said, at times he can be very frustrating to deal with. When things aren't going his way he is quick to start yelling, and all of a sudden I will find myself in a screaming match with a child. I do realize that I am the adult, and as such the one who should be in more control of her emotions. I let my own frustrations color my interactions with him, and I need to put a stop to it. My goal from now on is take more time to speak to him calmly. The louder and more frustrated he gets, the calmer and quieter I will become. I've been using this technique for the last two days now, and to my surprise, it's been working. If I can keep my own frustrations buried, I can get him to calm down much faster, even while disagreeing with him, or telling him no.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, after putting a lot of thought into it, I hope Nico's personality does stay the same. The good certainly outweighs the bad, and most of the things that frustrate me can be resolved in how I react to him. He is, after all, only six and as such still struggling to control those pesky emotions.

Tadpoles and an Ant farm

That's what the boys and I did today.

A friend of ours has a small pond in front of her house, filled with hundreds of tadpoles. She offered some to us, so we stopped by and picked up eight. We have a small round habitat where we can watch them grow and change. Later, that same habitat will be perfect for keeping a pet frog (assuming at-least one survives). I hope they all make it to adulthood, but I don't have a very good track record taking care of small pets. Hopefully this is one area where my boys will not follow my lead.

After lunch, we made our own ant farm. Using two small jars, one slightly smaller than the other, we went out into the yard and rounded up some ants. I'm a little concerned about the size of our ants. They were tiny, and so I'm not sure if we'll be able to see their tunnels. I figure we can give it a couple days, and if nothing happens, the boys and I can go hunt some larger ants.

First Business

Earlier today, Nico decided he wanted to try and make some money. He brought a box outside, and some finger puppets, and thought he could entice our neighbors to pay $5 to see his puppet show. After a very brief amount of time, he gave up, saying no one wanted to see his show. (On a side note, I don't think he had actually planned out a show, so even if some one had stopped to watch, they probably would have asked for their money back after he failed to produce.)

He still wanted to make some money, and it was blisteringly hot outside, so he decided a lemonade stand was a better way to go. Out went the box, out went a pitcher of lemonade and some paper cups, and his shop was set up. He wanted to try and charge $5 a cup, I convinced him to start with $1 a cup, but warned him he may have a hard time getting people to pay even that much. Less than five minutes after walking out the door, he made his first sale, and his first dollar.

After about 20 minutes he came back in and asked if there were any snacks he might be able to sell, along with the lemonade. I had some spare boxes of raisins I said he could have, and suggested a price of $.50 per box, and some crackers, which he wanted to give away, to make people thirsty, so they would buy more lemonade. Smart kid.

After an hour he started becoming discouraged that people weren't walking past him, and some had told him no. I told him to be patient, and stick with it. He stayed out there almost three hours, and in the end he sold a total of three lemonades, and one box of raisins, and came home with $3.50. He was thrilled with himself.

This is his first business, soliciting our poor neighbors. I see myself as his financial backer, since I supplied the lemonade, cups, raisins and crackers. Tomorrow I may take him out to the store, and see if he wants to spend some of his money on some cookie dough, have him bake the cookies, and then try and sell them along with his lemonade. This way he will gain an appreciation for cost versus profit. How much is he willing to spend today, to make more money tomorrow? I think I will also suggest that he make a sign, displaying just how much the cookies and lemonade cost.

Although I feel bad for unleashing this on my neighbors, I can't help but look at all the wonderful lessons he is gaining from this experience. From social skills, to money handling, to business administration he will learn more in the few hours a day he spends on this project than he ever could sitting in a class room. Yeah for unschooling.

Is there such a thing as bad pretend play?

I ask because yesterday my boys were pretending to smoke. They were using the sticks from their tinkertoys, and pretending that they were cigarettes. They even made pretend lighters, and were pretend coughing.

At the time I didn't say anything to try and stop them. But I've since been wondering if there is such a thing as bad pretend play? If pretending to smoke will someday lead to them trying it for real, or will allowing them to pretend satisfy that curiosity, so they will never actually smoke?

I've since decided that so long as they keep things in the realm of pretend, I will not interfere.

Are there any pretend activities that you will not allow your children to engage in?

Who needs expensive costumes?

Not my boys.

Nico and Lucas spent all morning playing pirates. They don't have pirate costumes, but did that stop them? Of course not. You don't need expensive costumes when you have paper, tape and imagination.

Nico drew, colored and cut out a pirate hat, eye patch, shirt, parrot, peg leg, and hand hook. Then, using scotch tape, he taped them all over himself. Then he ran around the house shouting, "Have ye seen the white whale?". It was way cute.

Then they went off to their room so they could build a pirate ship out of tinker toys. What a fun filled morning.

What about Reading?

In the beginning I used to think that teaching my children to read was going to be my biggest hurdle in home-schooling. I bought into the hype that children needed to be taught, and couldn't possibly learn on their own. I even purchased a membership for an online phonics program, which my boys found boring. I never forced them do these lessons, but I encouraged (ok bribed) them into doing a few lessons here and there.

As our approach drifted further and further into the realm of unstructured learning, I did more research into how kids learn to read. I began to get more relaxed about it, and decided that I was ok with my boys learning to read on their own. Even if that meant they wouldn't be reading by age 5, 6, 7 or even 10. Their ability to read, or lack there of would not, after all, be hampering their learning in other ways.

Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you see things, I didn't get the opportunity to find out how this works with Nico. I sent him on a two month extended vacation, and while away his Great Aunt, and English teacher, took it upon herself to teach him how to read. She did daily lessons with him, using Hooked on Phonics. Am I proud that my boy can read? Yes! But he was already making strides in getting there on his own.

However, I still get to witness this development in action with Lucas. Even now, at four years old, I can see how he is processing information, which will make it possible for him to read on his own. He knows all his letters, and what sounds each should make. He asks how words are spelled, and points out writing and inquires about what it says. Nico, forever the show off, has taken to reading signs as we are stopped at lights while driving. Lucas will look at the signs, already knowing what they say since his brother just told him, and sound out the words on his own; slowly saying each sound as he looks at the letters. He wants to read, and is taking the actions necessary to help get himself there.